What I learned this weekend while playing both Mom and Dad.
On today’s episode Russell talks about the difference between masculine and feminine energy. He shares what he learned from Tony Robbins about what causes all relationships to fail.
Here are some interesting things in this episode:
So listen below to find out how learning about masculine energy versus feminine energy helped save Russell’s marriage.
---Transcript---
Hey everybody, good morning. This is Russell once again, you probably know that at this point. But welcome to Marketing In Your Car, I hope it’s been good. It is officially spring break here in Boise, which means the weather is nice, the kids are out of school, we’re wearing shorts. The last time the kids were out of school we had our two weeks of snow days, like two months ago. So it’s nice to be on the other side. It’s been so fun, we had a chance to go swimming with them, and playing and movies.
What I want to talk to you guys about is my struggle. I’m curious, my guess is if you’re an entrepreneur, you might have this struggle as well. It’s really hard to just be. I don’t know if that makes sense or not. Just to be present in one spot and I’m thinking a lot about this over the last day or two. My wife was at the Tony Robbins event last week, so I was, we had four days of Inner Circle, she left during the fourth day. After that, we have a helper who helps Thursday and Friday and Saturday and Sunday was all me and the kids, and I loved it.
But it’s hard. I mean it’s hard work, yes. It makes you love and respect and appreciate your wife a million times more, when you get to be the mom and the dad. But more so than that, I think it’s just different. Because I work really, really, really hard, probably too much. If you ask any of my people in my world, but I love it.
I think it’s, there’s two types of work. There’s directional and then there’s circular….I don’t know if that makes sense. I’ve been kind of geeking out a lot lately on masculine and feminine energy and things like that as well. In fact, if you go to Tony Robbins Date with Destiny, he has a whole day on relationships, it’s fascinating. Basically, it’s funny, no matter what problems you’re having in your relationship, if you go to regular counseling they try to fix the symptom of it.
They’re like, “you need to talk better.” Or whatever those things are right? That’s what they’re touching on. The foundational breakdown of every relationship is actually the loss of the polarity between masculine and feminine. So Tony’s whole thing is don’t fix the symptom, come back to the issue. What happens is men start becoming women and women start becoming men. As soon as the polarity for masculine and feminine dies, the whole relationship falls apart.
It’s really fascinating. That’s why in every relationship that’s successful there’s a masculine and a feminine. Sometimes it’s the females’ more masculine, sometimes the male is more feminine. It’s interesting, if you look at it. It’s such a not marketing topic, but it still gets me excited.
If you look at, I’ve got friends who the man is more feminine and their wives are more masculine. Almost always there’s this thing where the polarity between the two has to match, and that what causes connection. So Tony’s whole thing is you fix that, you fix some of the masculine and feminine, because what happens….alright, we’re going to go on a longer tangent I think, because I’m getting excited.
So what happens in a relationship is you get married and there’s a masculine and a feminine, and again, I don’t even care. I’m not going to get political or non political, but in all relationships. From… I don’t even know the politically correct way to say it. I’m not going to go into that part. We’ll leave that there for your imagination. Any relationship, masculine and feminine.
Let’s say you get married and at first the man’s very manly, and the woman is very womanly, and everything goes good. And then what happens, if you look at how masculine energy works, and how feminine energy works, the way that feminine energy causes change is through criticize, so women will criticize them to try to get them to change, it’s just kind of a thing that happens. Believe it or not, it just happens to be that.
What happens at first, the first year or two, or five, or seven years of marriage, the man has the masculine energy and that doesn’t bother him and they’re fine, but after a while it breaks down the masculine energy and the sudden as soon as the man stops, the criticism keeps happening and then all the sudden there’s a point where all the sudden it breaks men down and then they break from being masculine energy and absorbing those things to hurts their feelings and then all the sudden they switch to feminine energy.
And as soon as they do that, that’s the deterioration of the relationship. Everything bad happens after that. As soon as the man, the masculine becomes feminine, then women lose their attraction to the man and then the women end up becoming more masculine because they have to step up for the man. All this stuff happens and it all breaks apart. Tony’s whole thing is it shows you when a man becomes a man again, boom, instantly the masculine and feminine polarity comes back together and the magnetism happens there and all the other problems fall away. Really fascinating.
I learned that at a time when my wife and I were really struggling, and I realized at the time I had become very feminine. I still struggle with that part of my life, to be completely honest. When I’m at work, I’m very masculine and when I’m not sometimes I slip into my feminine, but any of the issues we have, it’s weird how I can tie it back to me switching into my feminine. Anyway, it’s really weird.
Why did I bring up this? Oh yeah, so as I’m thinking about masculine and feminine trying to understand. What is masculine? What is feminine? Really understanding those things, masculine energy is more moving towards something, there’s my goal. I need to go hunting and kill and go get that thing. Whereas feminine energy is more circular, if that makes sense.
I remember the first time I kind of got this, was with my wife 5 or 6 years ago. I was home with the kids on a long weekend and I was struggling with it all day long. Stressing out and she’s like, “What’s the matter?” I’m like, “I don’t know. We’re just sitting here playing games. The same game over and over again. Then we’re doing this, there’s no point to any of this. We’re just here.” And she told me, “That’s the point.”
When I got that, I was like, huh. I was able to stop trying to get somewhere and sit back, I don’t know if this goes against what I talked about earlier. It’s more the feminine energy being able to be, and be present and stuff like that. It’s fascinating. What’s interesting is as I was with my kids this weekend I was noticing my feelings. Why do I feel…..I’m having so much fun, but I feel things.
I think what I was feeling, as I was trying to identify it, I’m used to going, here’s the thing. Go hunting, kill, get that thing and come back. I’m running, and I’m so comfortable in that zone or that whatever, that I’m able to do that. But then when it’s just being, being present and just be with the kids, it’s really, really hard. Really hard for me. I don’t know if you guys feel that as well. It’s just not natural to me.
So this weekend was really kind of fun because I was trying to do that. I try to be present and try to be there. And it’s this insane mind game with my mind coming back to “No, go produce.” No, I need to be present. This is where I am. The back and forth between that was fascinating in my head. To watch my struggle constantly. So this week it’s spring break week. I’m trying to figure out how to get more balance in my life. I don’t know about you guys, but I think a lot of us struggle with that.
So I’ve been looking at that. Okay, how do I this week with my kids, how do I do that? How do I be present and also have a producing thing in me that I need to be able to do that thing? So today, for example, I woke up really early at 6 and I had a call with Tara, and I had a bunch of projects. I spent two hours and produced. And when it was done I unchecked, and I looked at my clock. Okay, right now it’s 7:30 or whatever. Til 10:30 I’m going to go and just be. There’s no point and that’s the point.
So I went out with the kids and I had a good time. We just hung out. It wasn’t stressful because I knew at 10:30 I was going to jump in the car and come and produce. So basically, this is where I’m at now. I’m driving to the office. Well, I’m at the office, in the parking lot waiting. But now I’m going to go produce. I’m trying to make it finite. So it’s not producing for forever. I’m going from now until I think 4:00, I have a dentist appointment. So I’m going to produce til 4:00, I have one big project to get done and when it’s done, the rest of the night I have to be done. I’m going to go home and me and some of the kids will watch some Lord of the Rings, and we’re just going to go and be present. Not produce, which is going to be hard.
But I did the same thing yesterday and it was really cool. Except for right before we started watching the movie, I had all this stress and things I was trying to figure out. I was like, I could create this thing while I’m watching a movie with the kids. And then I was just like, no I’m going to be present and I’ll worry about it tomorrow. As soon as I was able to turn that off and say okay, I’m not a producer right now, from this point to this point. I’m just going to be and that’s the whole point. I can do it.
And I did and it was awesome and I had such a good time with them. So anyway, I don’t know if this helps you at all, but in my mind it’s, at least the last two days have been really cool. I’m excited to test it out this whole week. I hope I can keep rolling with it, because it gave me so much more good times with my kids and my wife. And it wasn’t uncomfortable because I was segmenting that. So for me, like I said, I’m going to start chunking my days, this is my time to be a producer and this is my time to be, and be okay with that. And when I’m trying to just be present and be here I’m going to not try to produce. I’m going to forget about production and moving forward and going after a goal.
Because the goal is just to be there. Anyway, I hope that helps some of you guys. It’s helping me to overcome my entrepreneurial issues. Anyway, hopefully one of you guys out there heard that and it helps you as well. So with that said, I’m going to go produce. I’m going to go hunt something, kill it, and bring it back home. I’m excited for it. It’s going to be exciting. Thanks so much for everything guys and I’ll talk to you soon.